I Need to Feel It Closer Now

"This is why I turn and walk away from everything. I never thought it'd be like this."

Circa Survive: getting me through shit since 2005.

I don't have a many friends as I thought, as it turns out. As shitty as that sounds, it's nice to know who is and who isn't. I'm reevaluating a lot, and trying to move forward. I want to meet new people, I want to explore.
I wish I wasn't so hesitant because of what's happened. I wish I could just push it down and move full speed ahead. But I'm wounded and I move slowly.
I say soon all the time. Soon, I'll be okay. Soon, I'll be ready.
One line from my poem has really stuck with me. "I trust myself to be okay in the morning, every night." That's something I really do. I lay down on my pillow and I tell myself that tomorrow will be better and I will be one day closer to letting it all go. I tell myself that I will hate a little less in the morning, I will move a little bit in the morning, I will smile a little more during the day. And I try, and I forget, but mostly I try. I do want more than anything to be better. I've said that more times than I can count, but I mean it. I want to be better and more, and okay! I want to be the best version of myself I possibly can.