10 December 2008

Don't Be Scared to Fall In Love `Cause You Don't Like Heights

Listen to your body tonight, it's gonna treat you right.

Black Kids.
Definitely some good shit.

I planned on going to a party that my friend is throwing, until I found out my ex and his significant other are going to be in attendance. Now, I was perfectly fine with him coming, but her, that's a totally different story. I'm still deciding whether I want to go. I'm weighing everything. I can't really gauge how comfortable I am with even seeing her, let alone them together. It's reassuring to know my girls are going to be there for me 100%, and Sten will be there and that makes me feel better about it too. I was so looking forward to it, and I sort of feel immature for saying I wasn't going immediately after finding out they were. Sten said it's both immature, but completely understandable. It's a weird situation. I don't really feel like I should be giving it this much thought, that I should just be a big girl and go. My emotions don't really let me do what my mind tells me to though, and that's always been an issue with me. I really hope someday I can figure out how to just override my emotions.

I'm seriously considering going. I keep trying to picture the situation in my head, all the possible times where interaction with her would be necessary. I'm trying my hardest to just say fuck it, I'm making some good ass dessert, and I'm going and I'm gonna introduce my new amazing boyfriend to all my friends, and have a good ass time. It's hard. I'll see how I feel as the idea settles into my mind.

All I really wanna think about is him anyway...I fall a little harder everyday. I can't really explain it. He's amazing. He's wonderful. He's silly and he makes me laugh and he teases me, and I love it. He's sweet to me, he makes me feel good, and beautiful. He tells me things that drive me crazy, things that make me smile uncontrollably [grinningidiot], things that make me feel warm and glowy. I keep thinking to myself all the time, how incredibly happy I am that we found each other.

I wanna live life
and never be cruel
and I wanna live life
and be good to you
at 2:07:00 AM

5 comments:

  1. stennettDecember 10, 2008 at 4:34 AM

    you know I'm down for whatever you feel is right. I might disagree, but I'll honor your decision.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ess.jayDecember 10, 2008 at 12:43 PM

    Thank you love. :]

    ReplyDelete
  3. Loo.December 10, 2008 at 10:42 PM

    I don`t want to call your last paragraph gay, but ... GAAAAAAAAY!
    Glad yr happy, doe! =)

    ReplyDelete
  4. ashxcoreDecember 10, 2008 at 11:26 PM

    Too sappy. Ickickick.
    You should go.
    Your desire to have fun with K (I'm assuming) and some friends, make and eat your "good ass dessert", and do whatthefuckever is greater than avoiding a certain chick, no?

    ReplyDelete
  5. ess.jayDecember 11, 2008 at 12:50 AM

    Lol, sorry for all the sap Ash.
    It's not my fault he's so damn wonderful. :]
    I guess that desire does outweigh my desire to avoid her.
    But still. Thinking about seeing her face elicits such feelings of disgust that I can't decide.
    We'll see.

    ReplyDelete

Don't be shy.

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