I Try to Reach You, I Can Almost Feel You

You're nearly here and then,
you disappear...

I had a purpose when I started this, I really did. But it just died...oh well. On to my current thoughts.

I feel like things could be better in many aspects of my life. I want to improve my relationships. I want to get better grades. I want to actually work out and see a change. I want to be just a little more content than I am now.

A lot of the time I don't go to sleep with a smile anymore. Getting to the root of that seems difficult, but I'm starting to think I see it now. I don't know how much longer I can skirt around it. I don't know how much longer I can hang on to something that feels like less and less, everyday. My feelings are strong but my head is stronger, and I keep telling myself one thing, only for my heart to tell me another. I don't quit on people, but I don't appreciate being quit on either. I keep thinking things. I keep thinking that the distance is making my heart grow fonder, when all it really does is make my heart hurt at the thought of soft lips and warm hands. And I long for him to tell me that he needs me but I don't ever get that. I long for him to tell me that he misses my face, and my softness, and my lips and all the little things. I long to be missed. Don't tell me you love me, but tell me you miss me. Tell me you're going to visit soon. Give me a small, minuscule beacon of hope. Make an effort. I don't give up, but it's easy to give in when there's hardly any reason left to hold on.