Don't Be Fooled

To a few people:

--I could never hate you.

--I wish I could hate you, but I can't.

--I used to hate you, but not anymore. Doesn't mean I like you.

--I still hate you and I don't know when I won't.

--I'll always hate you.

Had to get that off my chest. Now for the real post!

Today at dinner, my friends wanted to know why I was agnostic because they all thought that I had some terrible experience that made me stop believing. M was trying to explain that until we actually try to live life in a fully religious way, we can't really decide between the two, whether god is real or not, and he was talking about how really embracing religion has brought him a lot of peace and joy.

I explained to him that I never really felt the kind of peace I do now until I really made the conscious decision to become agnostic, and it was cool, cause I hadn't really realized that myself until today. I feel a certain peace knowing that I've made a conscious decision that included a lot of questioning, and a lot of reading (and still does). There are still a lot of things that I can learn, and a lot of ways that I can grow, but I'm peaceful in my agnosticism.

It also solidified my decisions on how I want to raise my children. I will love my children no matter what they choose to believe, as long as it brings them peace. I will answer every question they have, I will take them to church if they want to go to church, I will buy them books, I will show them websites, I will allow them all the information they need. I just want them to make a conscious decision, just as I did. The only difference will be that they'll hopefully be able to have that peace a lot earlier than I did.

A few Buddhist principles here and there don't hurt either. They help me stay on track as I kind, responsible human being, even though I know deep down in my heart I am a kind person, sometimes it's easy to fall off.

"All we are is a result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him."

--Siddhartha Gautama

I'm working on the bad things from the beginning of the post. One day at a time.