Out As Far As I Can

It is officially time for my freshman Year recap. I'm not doing anything else..

Fall Semester

I arrived at Michigan State University in August of 2008, after a summer of emotional turmoil. I was beyond ready for my fresh start. I had been given the privilege of early move-in thanks to my new job in Akers/Hubbard cafeteria. [That turned out to be a mistake, but more on that later.] Getting to East Lansing was a disaster. Our truck broke down and it took at least 20 jumps to get back to our house. One of my dad's friends was kind enough to lend us their truck, and I finally arrived at West Akers Hall. I looked up at the six stories, and I was immediately psyched to get inside and start moving in. I got a cart and my parents and I loaded all my stuff into it. We rode the elevator to the third floor, and pushed it to the end of my hall, to room 369. [We had a lot of fun with that particular number combination, lol.] They helped me unload and dumped my clothes on one of the beds, hugged me goodbye and left me to it! I got most of my unpacking done, and blogged on my new pink laptop before going to sleep. For the next two days I watched painfully boring videos and got a tour of the caf that I'd be working in. My roommates arrived soon after, and we divvied up chores and whatnot. It looked like it was going to be an amazing year.
Welcome week was up next. We explored campus and went to a really fun event at the Union, and even scoured the streets for our first college party. [We found one, and it ended in a fight not too long after me and Simone shared a disgusting beer] We bought bus passes, books, and got the last few things we needed for the room. We were ready! [There was also a terrible hook-up this month, but I'll leave it at that.]

In September, I turned 18 and decided I wanted to go smoke hookah, so Kristle came up to celebrate with me which was really cool of her. Simone and I were the only ones who actually smoked. We went party hunting with little success. It was still a good birthday though! I was beginning to really get the hang of campus and all my classes. Things were good. I was still occasionally dwelling on my break up from the summer, but I was also hating single life. Near the end of the month however, I was betrayed by someone I thought was my friend. That sent me on an emotional rollercoaster that I was not prepared for. I did and said things I'm not proud of. It was really tough though, really really tough. My best friends really helped me through it though.

October was better. I was still occasionally reeling over the situation the month before, but for the most part I was good. I pierced my lip, something I'd always wanted. I visited UofM for the Michigan/Michigan State football game, and that was TONS of fun. I was also fighting with myself internally on whether Luke and I were ever going to be successful friends. It didn't seem likely. Halloween was a BALL. I went to this great party at the Union dressed as a bunny and had so much fun.

November rolled up and I was feeling the strain of single life once more. I had given up on any friendship with my ex, which was helpful for me, but I was still lonely. There was a short blow up over a poem I wrote about the situation in September, and it was ugly, but I got over that too. Then I met a boy. And I fell SO hard. So, so hard.

December came out of NOWHERE. I had a boyfriend in the first week. It was bliss, he was amazing, and sweet, and caring and he made me laugh, and when he kissed me.. There wasn't much blogging, break was pretty boring. I saw him a lot less than I had planned, but that didn't make it any harder for me to fall in love with him. And I was so glad that 2008 was over.

2009 began, and I didn't even get to spend it with him. I was sad, but it was beyond anyone's control. January meant going back to school, and that meant leaving him. I thought we were good on being away, we were away from each other for most of our relationship anyway. But he wasn't telling me he missed me and he wasn't making any definite attempts to visit. And then it was over, and I was over the entire thing. The entire idea. It still puzzles me to this day what happened, and I'll probably never know. But I got a best friend out of it, so I'm at peace for the most part. I wouldn't mind knowing someday..

February. Eh. Nothing really happened. It was a boring month. I was still holding on to feelings. I was unintentionally waiting for him to come back to me. But then I realized that it was never going to be what I hoped for. And I buried everything 6 feet down in the depths of my heart. I was done. I was even a little angry. I felt as though time had been wasted. I still don't know if it was a waste or not. But February was hard in that aspect.

March was even more boring. I developed a crush on a guy at State, that was the most exciting part.

April was interesting. I learned things that were appalling. I smoked pot. I got a tattoo that I LOVE. I got to see my friends for Easter weekend. I fell back into a little something with someone. It felt okay. I was being very cautious as far as emotions went, but for the most part it seemed safe enough. Near the end of the month, I felt something coming up though. I debated on whether I was making good choices, and finally I decided I would be just fine, and I would go along with my summer as planned.

Now it's May, and I'm done with my freshman year. My grades aren't nearly as good as last semester, but I'll get back on top of things next semester for sure. I'm still fooling with the same dumb boy I call a best friend. He seems to be hanging on like a flea on a stray dog! All jokes aside, he's perfect as what he is. I'm making sure to check myself everyday in case I need to just cut it off to save any hurt. I start chem next week, and work next month. Summer should be quite interesting.


Last but not least, I am ending this blog. It has run it's course. At 96 posts, it has done more for me than some people have. It has been here for my ups and downs, all my pain, all my joy, all my conflicts. It has truly saved me by giving me a place to write. It is also full of so many things that I'm ready to put behind me. Two failed relationships and a year of college later, it's time to move forward. "yltfos os keaps", thank you so much. You'll always be here for me to look at if I feel myself slipping back into old emotions or bad habits.

Goodbye.