Stolen What You Can't Afford

What's that muffled beating?

I'm happy to be back at school, partly because I saw him yesterday, and he gave me two hugs. I jumbled my words when we first spoke. I never do that. Does that mean I really like him? Should I be that nervous? I shouldn't be wondering if he thinks about me when he hasn't seen me in a while, but I do. I purposefully have left as much emotion as possible out of the equation, because I won't put myself out there for someone the way I did last time. I won't repeat that mistake. Oh, but the boy is cute. He makes me laugh, and I can feel my stomach do that stupid little flippy thing when he holds on to my waist for just an extra second after we've hugged. And there is no chance of me putting my all my eggs in one basket (for lack of a better phrase), but he's got a few of them.
Another guy; I think of him, and last I dreamt of him. We weren't alone, and then we were. We laughed, and then we kissed, and kissed, and kissed. His hands were all over me, and I wanted every bit of it. I hate myself for dreaming it, and then considering it. I could never. We could never. I won't allow myself to be that girl, because I've seen that girl, I've been friends with that girl, and that girl hurt me in a way where I'll never be the same. I will never. We will never...