So Take it As a Song or a Lesson to Learn

So if you're gonna go, then be careful, and watch how you treat every living soul.
When eyes can't look at you any other way...

Band of Horses- Detlef Schrempf

Perfect song for me right now I think. I honestly hate the feeling of anger. It makes me laugh, because I can't think of any other way to diffuse it. I hate that she is such a fucking bitch to me. It seems as though she's guilty. So my blog mentions your lies and betrayal... Maybe if you hadn't lied to and betrayed me, you wouldn't even be mentioned!! Obviously she doesn't want people reading about her "lapse in judgment". I couldn't give a fuck if I tried. Honestly, I said I forgave her, but I don't know anymore. The way she came at me today made me feel hateful, and the whole premise of my lifestyle is to avoid hatred, and be kind to everyone that I encounter. She made it so hard for me today to do that. She makes me angry. She makes me relapse, and she makes it hurt all over again. It hurt for me to lose a fucking friend! And it hurt that it was so easy for him to just move on, so soon...

And now that she's acting the way she is I don't know how to be. She's being catty and disrespectful and fucking irritating, and making me really wish I had just never let her in, or tried so hard to be a good friend to her. I put my all into that friendship. She was my support system. Or was she? I just don't understand how, while developing feelings for my ex, she could feign any sort of friendliness to me? I just don't get how she could lie and feel the way she did about him. That is having no respect for our friendship. Because a good friend is honest, and that equals respect. And that is NOT her. At all. So thinking back to when she said she didn't think she disrespected me, I think that's complete and utter bullshit. And to have the nerve to "remind" me how long it's been over between me and my ex was catty and ugly, and frankly, sounded a little unsure. Making a comment like that means she feels threatened in some way, I think.
[By the way, I counted. Her name is mentioned one time in my entire blog history. So acting like a huge cunt today was unnecessary in my eyes...]

Its not like I'll ever know, because I don't think I can ever speak to someone so full of shit again. I don't even know what I'd do if I had to see her face... I just, at this point, don't understand her at all. She's behaving in a way that I wouldn't have ever expected. And I really don't want to speak to her ever again, and I don't want to talk about the situation anymore because it makes me think too much, and it makes me hurt. I'm the ONLY one who got fucked over in any way during any of this. And for her to think that I would consider changing anything about my blog is crazy. I have no obligations to her. I don't give a flying fuck about her feelings, or anything she has to say. None of it matters to me. She's become an ugly person in my eyes, and I think that it's necessary that I disassociate myself from her and the situation. So this is the final post on it all. I'm done.